I've only ever been "the best in the world" at this one obscure thing that was ranked.
I'm not talking about mainstream shit like RTS games, although I've been top 100 in the world at one of those 15 years ago... I'm talking about a pretty weird, obscure competitive thing.
But I've literally been the best. Rank 1, globally. out of some millions. Stayed on top of that mountain 8 months
And let me tell you... once you tasted the flesh of that particular pomegranate, a lot of other stuff we're told to care about turns to ash
We didn't evolve to be best in the world
We evolved to have a thing we were best at in a tribe of 100. Everyone mastered one thing or a small amount of things. Everyone else respected that guy's knowledge.
We don't fit into the technological cage we built ourselves
The knowledge alone that there's 9 billion of us... that shit is an absolute mindfuck. It's literally tearing a hole into our brains
My fucken autism.
I'm currently not the best in the world at anything. No matter how obscure. And the thing is, even when I *was* rank 1, I knew that probably, somewhere in Kenya, or Lesotho, or fucken Laos or China or something, there was some person with the latent ability that, if they had trained like I trained and competed, would have beat me.
it's all abstract. Just be excellent, don't fall into the Fulgrim Daemon Prince of Slaanesh Vanity trap of trying to be perfect.
But this THING in my MIND. Shard of glass can't pull it out. This glass that sings this unholy song…
I think the tipping point we call "maturity" is when you realize 'ok I guess I'm not the best at anything, and my reflexes have already slowed 0.5%. I have to change tactics." and you start living more for others, or a greater purpose than pride alone
Is this just old people cope? Is "doing good in the world" old people cope...ego-protection?
Maybe
I wonder what sort of strange insanity we would feel if we all lived forever. If we all had minds as plastic as our early 20's, and bodies as nimble, agile, strong
I wonder if we all would "ascend" as a form of life through that competition-unending, because we'd never have to "mature". We'd never have to buck up and say welp, I'm old now...now what
I wonder if we were all 23 forever if we'd have conquered the Sol system by now and maybe surrounding star systems.
Oldness... The old have value, but it's value of the soul, not the spirit. It's true wisdom and in my opinion wisdom trumps all the other attributes. It's also rarer.
But would we NEED wisdom if we were all 23 forever...
Probably yeah... Eventually the infighting of our 23-year-old fascist empires would lead to mutual annihilation without the wisdom gained by elders to keep us in check.
So I guess we probably wouldn't have conquered the galaxy. I'm talking myself out of that
Wisdom is the benefit of learning through experiencing and navigating many 1000's of battles, and LEARNING lessons from them. You can't really teach wisdom but you can follow wisdom until you're there yourself
We need our elderly. We shit on our elderly in America and I hate this. I also hate how we treat animals. Both ways of treatment are disgusting. We put them in cubicles to die alone, in pain.
I understand the urge to worship beauty and youth. But the elderly are the soul of our species. Without them we'd have too much FORCE and not enough FORESIGHT.
Without aging, I think we would all be damned to our own private hell forever, seeking, futilely, to taste the ruby pomegranate of Persephone's pinnacle fruit. That delicious, terrible, sour-sweet pang of having been the very best...and hungering evermore for it. To need to OWN Persephone. You know she’s gone half the year right? I was Hades and I would have done ANYTHING to keep her down in the underworld with me. I can’t. I tasted the fruit. It poisoned my spirit with an invigoration that never is quite the same again. Like cocaine.
I don't think we would become numb to it.
Without aging we would never smell the fresh-cut grass. Soak up the sun. Bask like Diogenes of Sinope, royally.
Without aging I don't think we could be Warrior-Kings, just warriors.
The king is the ultimate, highest octave of the Warrior. He is the warrior that has navigated war so long he has no choice but to poast up and watch star trek and regale younger warriors with his exploits while yelling for dat Bulmerini to play OoT with him and bring him a sammy.
He has no choice but to begin to care about humanity enough that it begins to benefit him to share his real thoughts. To advance humanity, even in some small way. To guide and direct from a benevolent place.
People smell intentions, and they will only ever follow the Warrior-King.
If only a King? Why should they respect him
If only a Warrior? Why should they trust him
If you're young you'll be only a warrior. So go ahead and try-hard for the pinnacle. It's in your blood to do so, and probably what will make you feel most alive. Maybe you SHOULD abduct Persephone. It’s in your blood to taste that pomegranate, or at least a ghostly simulacrum of it. To even just imagine the taste.
As you get older, you'll step more into your kingly energy. And that's okay too, in its way.
I have been a Warrior and I have been a Warrior-King, and I can say with certainty... I've only ever enjoyed being the latter.
When I'm 65, I'll mainly have the Kingly energy left. My warrior energy will be mostly gone. By then I hope I will have built some kind of legacy and tradition. I hope that the younger warriors will know my deeds and listen to an old man
They may not have that respect anymore, but I can make sure they still have the trust
and maybe there is a different kind of gravitas-based respect that will come with being old. Most of the old guys I know have this level of ZFG (zero fucks given) that I can't even fathom (and I like to think I'm pretty ZFG myself). Maybe that'll generate a different kind of respect too.
I'm teaching my Dad to get better at RTS. He's an old codger now, but he's still picking it up. He's improving. He still can step into his Warrior energy at mid 60's. I watch him learn, and I think to myself it's probably the most special feeling in the world.
When I was rank 1 I couldn't relax. And trust me when I say: NOBODY gives a shit what I was rank 1 at except the other people that competed at it.
When I watch my pops improve his game. My younger brother, my cousins. These are my tips and tricks I'm giving out to these guys. When I see them all improve at this computer game. it's like I did something with real meaning.
Legacy seems like victory multiplied by those in your tribe you instruct. Positive impact ripples outwards. To pass on a skill, with love... with good, solid, positive intent...
I swear I think this is the only thing that removes the unholy shard of glass in my brane
i was also #1 at an obscure video game. it's an addiction. being the best was great. the ego boost and validation was everything. now its been some years and i just view it as time wasted. the pursuit of greatness is always better than being great.
Also fuck the nursing home profiteers and people that hurt my sweet cows and chickens