Slow Tuesday

day in the life of a really nice guy

Wake up. flatulence. stiff boner. Jenny used to call it "unrelenting chub" like the shout from Skyrim "unrelenting force". Jenny is gone. I wonder where she is. probably sucking off some new guy who is worse than me.

Shoulder hurts. still hurts after weeks. If it keeps hurting much longer this bad I'll have to admit I'm injured and go to doctor. rub the neurolymphatic point. it's tender. means it's working. Problem is the way I sleep. I sleep on my side like a dumbfuck. Need to sleep on my back. Read somewhere sleeping on one's back or front produces more wet dreams. Not sure if this is true.

Get out of bed. I stare into the sun (not directly) for a bit. I think I heard this from Andrew Huberman podcast. Big Bear Andrew and his studies. Always so by the book. Very empirical. Pat on head from Mommy Stanford. Why am I taking snipes at Andrew, I like him. He's a good guy, and his podcast is good. Don't listen to the first thing I said, it's just the morning and I haven't had coffee yet. I have an excess of Choleric temperament, which I mostly conceal irl.

It's early in the morning. Why does my stupid body only want 5 hours of sleep every night I have no job I could sleep 14 hours a day if I please.

Maybe that's why. Body wants stressors? Needs things to fight. That's why I'll fight weights later. Needs more fight maybe. Maybe I'm not fighting enough things. But you have to choose your battles, which are all symbolic, especially in digital age. Everything means something. wat does dis means.

Alone in bed today. No friends with benefits grill in bed. It doesn't matter. Horny though.

Pros of grill sleep over: she sucks me off in the morning (the best time to get sucked off except maybe the evening)

Cons of grill sleep over: I can't sleep in a bed with someone else. She's going to annoy me by talking about shit I don't care about soon. The longer I spend with her the closer to the expiration date of my patience. Oh you like the things I like? You don't fucking like the things I like, you don't understand them. You're telling me you like these things because I'm sexually dominant and you smell that. You think it's enough because men in the west are all weak simps, so when you meet someone with standards like me, you don't really know how to behave. You're full of shit. Now SUCK! (wait that part is a pro) It's all connected I guess

Go to fridge today. Wat in fridge. 5 dozen organic eggs. I like them even better now that they're $11 because I still steal them. Old habits.

Tons of booch. Some tomato juice. Monster energy drinks. Sambazon energy drinks. What else... Not much. Most of it is grassfed cuts of organs and steaks in freezer...

there's some grassfed butter. I actually just take a bite out of it. good fat, good energy. I put the coffee on. Try not to just brew the rice this time, idiot. Check.

I crack my neck. Always in the same spot.

I plan out my day around all the worst chores of it, so that everything else is better. Like everyday.

Today is a day I buy more crypto. Once every two weeks I roll more into the market. DCA'ing since November. Until April, I think

Do I do taxes today I don't know. I don't feel like it. I never feel like it. Software is garbage. I owe a fair bit of tax. I really don't want to pay it. Uncle sam needs to rape my wallet so he can bomb kids in the Sudan or something. So he can flouridate our water and bankroll schools where fat, disgusting failures tell the next generation of children that everything is patriarchy and rape

I'll do them this weekend.

I drink my coffee. I enjoy this. I pop 400mg of L-theanine, 1300mg of NAC and 3g of glycine. Smooth, smooth coffee.

Horny. Am I going to find a way to act on my horniess today? Ah yes, horniness in the modest west. That thing where beautiful model I would literally kill men to impregnate 2000 years ago is begging me to impregnate her via text but I'm not interested in the state forcing me to pay child support and raise the kid.

Horniness.

I jerk off into the toilet.

Time for my 10k steperinos. It's a beautiful day outside. Fickle Texas weather... but today is beautiful for February. I'll tan by the pool when I get done with my 10k steps. I encounter a beautiful flower bush today. Orchids? I don't know the names of flowers. I'm briefly overcome with an incredibly powerful sadness as I think these plants used to get some much more loving attention from humans. But then we invented tv and gaming. Now no one stops and smells and looks. The sadness passes. Whatever.

Later I'll military press. I have to be careful not to aggravate my shoulder injury. It hurts. I rub my neurolymphatic points.

When steps are done I get back home. I decide maybe I work on SECRET PROJECT for awhile. SECRET PROJECT is the thing I'm alive for, primarily-speaking.

I get rich off the cryptussy. I work out and stuff. I compete.

but SECRET PROJECT is my raison d'etre really. Not that I'd off myself without it, but it's my central drive.

and you don't get to know what it is. I'm a really nice guy, but I'm not a fully-open book. If you tell people about the thing you're going to accomplish, you'll never do it well enough in the end.

I'll work on SECRET PROJECT for awhile. No one has texted me and it's 2pm. Nice. I hate social obligations. I'm introverted. I love my family and friends but the tank of socializing fills quickly and after that it's literally just a chore for me. I don't tell anyone this directly, but they sense it on me. It's all a compromise - no one fully loses

I turn on Mass Effect Andromeda Galaxy Map OST 2 Hours extended on youtube. I decide today I will get deep work done so I supplement more NAC and some glutathione. They say glutathione isn't bioavailable you have to supp the precursors to the tripeptide and your body makes it. But that's not my lived experience.

I chew some BioGaia L-Reuteri chewables while I work for awhile.

SECRET PROJECT is flow state-inducing for me. Always puts me in a good mood. It's not the ONLY thing that matters, it just matters most.

5pm. Done for day. Since I got gud with the cryptussy and spun up a boomer bankroll, and because I'm still fairly frugal, I don't really have to "work" in the traditional sense.

Work 9-5 job isn't for humans. It ruins humans. Most are slaves. They work the same way slaves always worked. World feudalism. Nothing has changed.

I wouldn't have been like this though. Death before the 9-5 for me. If it hadn't been the cryptussy that freed me from wagie hell, it would have been starting businesses until one took off or even mercenary work. I could break an arm or a leg for a copper or two... and I sure as fuck could do a fair bit more for 500k a year. I speak lots of languages too - hobby of mine to learn them. I think I'd have been a mercenary in past ages if I'd been born then. I would make a good one. Probably start my own band of mercs someday if I had treaded down that path and not gotten fragged in some absurd firefight that meant nothing apart from the abstract interests of some megacorp. If I didn't get fragged because that jerkoff Barry from the tax office said megacorp's bottom line was a little thin this year.

Anyway done for the day... now wat do. workout then comedy club?

Workout. My body is maintained in its decent form solely through the power of my will. Only through my fascist cynicism is it maintained. It WANTS to be a lanky, skinny-fat mess. But I don't allow this.

You want to know why the tattoos? So I wield my vanity AGAINST my bodyfat percentage, instead of allowing it to indulge in daily Taco Bell with foppy witicisms and sharp repartee, and the smug knowlege that yes, even if I was fat, I probably could pull 9's with my humor anyway

but fuck that stupid idiot voice. fops to the gulag. there's more to being a complete male than pulling 9's. Despite what society tells us as every turn. Why do you think that is, anon? Because they want us weak and sexually diffuse slaves of productivity. You know this. It is known, khaleesi.

I workout. I don't let my urge to "just kinda do it" win. It's like the Michellin Man within. That's how I imagine it. Big puffy michellin man trying to tell me to just take a load off on the coach and POAST UP.

I'll post up on the couch later.

Workout done. I will grind the ladder. I lose 2 games in a row without winning once. Fatty boom boom, my phlegmatic upstairs neighbor is too kindly (or afraid) to say anything to me about my insane gamer rage I'm convinced she can hear through the floor.

I still feel bad. She's nice. She shouldn't be afraid. I love fatty boom boom, even if she does roll around on the floor at 4 am every day fsr

I take a shower to shower off the feeling of having lost. I hate losing so much more than I love winning. I'm used to winning at things I try. I'm a winner, generally. I don't lose very often. So of course this means I FEEL losing very keenly and winning almost not at all. But I don't see this as bad, since the winning is woven into daily life more subtly and evenly.

Still, it stings. I hate losing. I dont think I would have physically hurt the person that beat me. Not because "I'm better than that." but because I'm more honorable than that.

Some people think honor is stupid. Those people are frivolous imbeciles that are only useful in tasks of physical labor at best.

I'm too old to pretend otherwise.

It's 9pm. I sense, viscerally, that the only woman in my city I'm having sex with right now is starting to get emotionally attached to me. I don't want this. I have tattoos and I maintain physical fitness and wit because I want to be the guy she sucks and fucks, not the guy she "falls in love with". I'm insulted if a woman catches feelings for me.

She is though. All the PUA idiots have it all backwards. A woman might be infatuated by a strong man, but she'll only ever truly love weakness in a man, or, more precisely, the potential she keenly senses in a strong man FOR weakness specific to her charms.

Her texts are getting longer. Flowery language. She wants to cuddle all night long.

I don't mind cuddling I really don't. It's fine. It's nice actually, but I like when it's laced with with boner pressing up on her behind.

I think if you looked up "slow death" in the dictionary it'd be two "friends" cuddling but the sexual spark isnt there anymore.

She texts me. "heyyyy"

I think I'll just jerk off

I jerk off

6 small ropes of royal goo, none with any velocity. Oh well. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

I think I will eat some fruit and watch Star Trek. I'm not going to have any whiskey. I drink very seldom. Not every night has to be interesting.

I feel I didn't do enough today. I think no matter what I did today, I'd always have this feeling of unease within myself that it wasn't enough.

The only days that isn't true and I don't have to endure at least 1 hour of existential angst about having "not done enough today" is if I worked THE WHOLE DAY on SECRET PROJECT

I delete her number. It doesn't matter. Truly. She'll text me again in 3 weeks. I'll fuck her then probably I don't know.

Star Trek doesn't matter either. I pop some L-Tryptophan. Fuck Star Trek, I think I'll listen to some Warhammer 40k audiobook tonight and get to bed early.

Currently on the third book in the Dark Imperium trilogy. I don't really "follow" leaders, but I would follow the primarch Roboute Guilliman. I know he is a fictional character, but he is, fundamentally, a better man than I am, and I don't think I could ever emulate his virtues completely. I wouldn't want to. But if he asked, I would lead battalions for him against the xeno scum and into immense danger.

I really can't say that about anyone I know irl. I'd protect my loved ones... but I'm not sure they could persuade me to lead a crusade against their alien foes. But maybe a few close friends or family. Avenging my friends against their enemies seems like a worthy endeavour actually. I'm talking myself into the notion...

The narrator is good. The tryptophan is hitting. I briefly wonder if I'll actually get 8 hours sleep tonight. I need to tire myself more. Sprint more. I need to do more..........

Zzz.